In Existential

Medicine Owl Turns 10!

The Humble Story of How Medicine Owl Began…

Yes, this website has been online for a decade!

Ten years ago I was living in central Mexico in a small mountain town with one suitcase of clothing and an old laptop. Fresh out of a divorce with nothing to hang on to, and in the middle of a potent existential crisis. My old identity was fading and I had no material possessions left as evidence of my previous life. The bank account was empty and I didn’t speak enough Spanish to save my life. For the third time in my life, I was single and homeless in a foreign country, with no friends or family to turn to. Everything I knew was gone. But deep down I felt that I was getting close to something real, and I had a tremendous amount of faith that carried me forward.

Because my heart was opened by faith I was able to summon what I needed quite rapidly. Although I had no money to rent an apartment, or even a single room, soon I was offered a temporary living space in an empty house by a kind fellow traveler on the spiritual path. Mil Gracias Pedro! In this sanctuary I began reconstructing my life, one small step at a time. By serendipity, the nearly empty house had amazing spiritual literature which I eagerly devoured. I also began to meditate. I remember eating nothing but potatoes for weeks but feeling grateful. The house was remote and getting to town and back by foot took hours, which limited my outings. I ended up spending several weeks at a time without seeing anyone or leaving the sanctuary. This allowed for my silence to deepen so I could more easily connect with my higher self for guidance.

I had no clue how to continue living or where to go next, so I prayed. One night before going to bed I prayed from a place of sincere desperation to be shown what my purpose is. That night my old friend, the Owl appeared. In dream-time, the Owl told me to start a website called The Medicine Owl and begin to share what I had learned through experience. When I woke up the next morning I thought the idea seemed utterly ridiculous and actually got up laughing. This was my purpose?! It was not the grandeur message I was expecting. But the command lingered loud and clear for days. I had nothing left and nothing to lose by going with it. So I opened my laptop and made a website for myself, something I knew how to do back then, coming from a decade of web design- a career which I had left behind.

My first few articles were about grounding, meditation, and the subconscious mind. I was searching for my writing voice. Staying anonymous for years allowed me to focus on letting the message come through. I experimented with channeled writing, also known as automatic writing, something I still use today. Most of all, I wanted to hear what the Owl had to say and what this Owl business was all about. Several years passed and I would occasionally write something and then disappear. I had no clue how to use the information that was streaming through. I already knew my mission was to teach and guide others. But how to survive in the material realm while doing this? I can’t say I’ve fully figured that out yet. 😂

Purpose is a trickster. We often wear many different hats, go through various careers, all the while training to become who we really are. It is not a straightforward path, and only time will tell. A lifelong puzzle is usually involved. As we mature and heal more of our stuff, we allow the purpose to naturally unfold. But it may not be quite what you expect! Here is a valuable pointer on purpose: find out what stays. When your life is stripped bare with no life preserver, no false identity, or material security, what remains?

“Ruins” in GTO Mexico, Photo by Michael Amici


So the story of Medicine Owl began in these humble settings. From my ruins a purpose emerged. It has not been an easy journey for this Owl. But I will not give up because I wholeheartedly believe that living a life of purpose is the only cure for the great existential heartache. I was born knowing this. I have no idea how my mission as the voice of Medicine Owl will present itself tomorrow or next week, but I am continuously willing to show up for the work, and that must mean something. Thank you for reading and being along for the ride!

A decade now on this colorful journey! In humble gratitude I bow for the medicine of the Owl.


In Astrology/ Health

What to do During Eclipses?

The moon’s nodes, called Rahu and Ketu in Vedic astrology, are highly activated during eclipses. These nodes relate to our past and future. Eclipses can bring a visit to the past or they can catapult you to a future timeline very fast, as well. When eclipses occur, tides are shifting and new information is going to come to light soon after.

Vedic astrologers consider eclipse energy to be stormy and volatile, and it is recommended to stay home, meditate, chant, and fast on these days. Bent up energy may surface and flare up during eclipses. It is also recommended not to make big decisions or start new projects within three days before or after an eclipse. This is practical advise that actually makes sense considering how affected our bodies and minds are by these two important planets. The moon governs our mental and emotional energies. The sun governs our life force and health.

I have always been sensitive to celestial movements and space weather, so I tend to be cautious around eclipses and not initiate any large new projects. I stay indoors and don’t plan a lot of activity for eclipse days. I also avoid social media and computer usage on those days if I can. Eating lightly and avoiding meat is more important for solar eclipses than lunar eclipses since light of the sun being blocked affects the body and digestion. Less light equals less life force, and therefore less digestive fire. But taking it easy with food on either eclipse day is a good idea. General advice: keep things light and take care of your body and mind during eclipse days, and especially the days leading up to them. Ride these chaotic nodes peacefully to avoid picking up any chaotic energies.

Below are two short Vedic mantras for the sun and moon. It is said that chanting this moon’s mantra gives you the wisdom of the moon and brings out your beauty. Chanting this short mantra for the sun is said to bring blessings of the sun and have the power to heal the body, and bring success and prosperity.


Moon: Om Chandraya Namah

Sun: Om Surya Namah


Image by Bryan Goff

In Shamanism/ Sprituality

Midsummer Fire

midsummer rituals

With long dark winters in Scandinavia, the arrival of summer solstice is the most important event of the year. In the northern hemisphere, near the arctic circle, the midsummer night marks a time when the sun doesn’t set and when night and day unite. The midsummer solstice ceremony in Finland and other Scandinavian countries is a celebration of victory of light over a long period of darkness. Fire/Sun is an universal symbol of life force, energy, purification, rebirth, and fertility.

In Finland and Northern Europe the summer solstice marks an astrologically significant turning point in the year, a cosmic portal of light opening in the sky, when the veils between worlds are thin, and the spirits become restless. In the old days it was believed that by making loud noises, singing, and lighting a big fire, any malevolent spirits would be scared away during the opening of the sky.

Growing up in Finland, I attended traditional midsummer fire ceremonies every year. I remember the tingling feeling of anticipation that always preceded the ceremony. Important spells and intentions were to be placed on this “nightless night”.

The Finnish midsummer ceremony is celebrated by lighting a bonfire several feet high at midnight, usually on a lake. The fire is lit by the oldest man in the village or town. Several rites then take place around the fire; dancing, singing, bathing, and gathering of certain plants. Young birch tree branches are harvested for bundles that are used for decorations and for bathing with in a cleansing ritual in the sauna.


Ilmatar – Ancient Finnish Virgin Goddess of the Air, depicted in Kalevala.

The historical origin of the midsummer ritual in Finland (called Juhannus) is rooted in not only celebration of the midnight sun, but the ancient mythology of Ukko – the Finnish God of sky, rain, thunder, and harvest. Older generations in Finland still refer to the midsummer night as the celebration of “Ukko”. Ukko is similar to Thor or Zeus. The midsummer ceremony was organized to appease Ukko, and ensure rain would bring good harvest that year. Preparations for the summer ceremony often began already in the fall of previous year.

More than 2000 years ago Finland had its own nature based religion with Gods and Goddesses who ruled the natural forces, upper and lower worlds. This pagan religion was rooted in Shamanism, song, and ceremonial practice. Stories and legends of this religion were passed on in poetic songs and rhymes, and were not written down until 1835, when the first Finnish national epic, called Kalevala was printed.


Various spells were traditionally cast during the magical hours of the midnight sun for ensuring good harvest or for finding a spouse. I recall my grandmother telling me to place seven flowers from seven different meadows under my pillow on a midsummer’s night, in order to see a future spouse in a dream. Meanwhile, I was to keep to myself and not utter a word to anyone I would meet during the ritual or the spell would not be cast. I could also look into a forest spring naked at midnight, in order to see the face of my future beloved. Numerous variations of this ritual still circulate for finding your true love during midsummer’s night.


Another midsummer legend in Finland was that of Ferns that bloomed only once on a midsummer night for a brief moment. Ferns do not typically bloom at all. However, according to this folklore, whoever would find a Fern in bloom that night would gain supernatural powers and be gifted with not only earthly riches but the ability to understand animal speech. If you caught the seed from a blooming Fern flower that night you would gain the power of invisibility. Ferns have been traditionally associated with the elemental and faerie kingdom. Wherever Ferns grow elves and faeries are not far!

Midsummer ceremonial offerings


This article was written for Shamans Market Blog, June 2017.

In Owl Messages/ Shamanism

Medicine of Light

A Letter For The Wounded Healer…

Summer solstice. It is time to step out into the light of your being. To open up to share this radiance, coming from deep within you. To remember the reason why you came here. So you could shine, and allow yourself to be all that you can be.

You are a luminous being of light, temporarily caught in this dream of having a body, a mind.. It’s beyond words, beyond comprehension, this magic trick we believe to be reality.

I want to remind you to connect with your deepest soul medicine. Take time to connect to the root of what truly feeds you. This is essential before we can serve and help others, and to show up fully in this life experience.

Besides, if you’ve never taken the medicine yourself how can you heal others? The wounded healer is the best healer, because the medicine comes from the wound.

True Healing Takes Time

You will know when you are ready to share your medicine when your wound has no more pain. When it has transformed into love, compassion, and deeper understanding. That’s the place you share your light and medicine from. Anything less would not work anyway.

When a Jivaro shaman in the Andes uses plant medicine, he takes the medicine himself, and not the patient. He journeys into a non-ordinary state of consciousness, so he can experience the origin of the illness, in the spirit realm, and then help the patient transcend his current state of consciousness.

It is his commitment to help that convinces the patient to find the willpower to be healed. Ultimately, the patient heals himself. The shaman simply leads the way, offering a guiding post – a higher vibration that the patient can choose to entrain with. Higher vibration overwrites lower vibration. Thus, all healing is really vibrational healing, or “re-alignment”.

Let this time of brilliant light be a mecca – a deeper embrace, a home for you to return to, a time to nourish your own light, so you can retrieve your soul medicine and help others.

With Summer Solstice Blessings,

photo by Willian West

In Existential/ Shamanism

Dragonfly Medicine Song

This song holds vibrational medicine for those who are resisting impending change. It also contains the energy for healing ancestral wounds. Dragonfly medicine is connected to power of light. It asks us to shine our light, fearlessly. It also connects to deep waters of emotions that may have been numbed out, and now need to be felt before healing can occur. This song is a prayer for change, for healing.. for a brighter day, for the sunrise of the heart.


I received a fair dose of Dragonfly medicine over this fall. Dragonflies would circle around me often, usually in pairs of two. One afternoon a Dragonfly landed on my arm, right on top of my Owl tattoo, and rested there for quite a while staring at me. I knew some kind of medicine work was coming when this happened. The following morning after the Dragonfly-Owl landing, a song came through, and it happened to be a Dragonfly medicine song.

Owl Medicine and Dragonfly Medicine are connected. Both creatures can help us work with life-death transitions, and see through illusion. The Owl works primarily in the realm of shadow, while Dragonfly works with the power of light. Both are needed. The Dragonfly often arrives first to inform of us when change or transition is needed. The Owl may then take over any work that crosses over to the next realm.

Swedish folklore tells that Dragonfly weighs the souls of those who are about to cross over. Many dragonfly stories from around the world involve transitions between dimensions. It seems the Dragonfly often arrives when the veils between worlds are thin, and a transition is due. I believe part of their purpose is to inform us of impending change.

About a week after I had started working on this Dragonfly Medicine song, I found out that my grandmother in Finland had an accident and was about to pass. Once I found out it felt clear that the song was somehow meant to assist with this transition. From that day on I began working with Dragonfly medicine intensely.

For two weeks straight I worked on this song daily, trying to get it recorded while my grandmother was laying in the hospital. With very little time to complete the work before she would depart, I tried to get out of the way as much as possible and let Spirit guide the process. It was almost as if she was waiting for me to complete this song before she could leave.. Due to a long sad story involving an expired passport and finances, I wasn’t able to fly to Finland to see her one last time. This song was the only way I could say goodbye to her in the audible realm.

Each day before I started working on practicing and then recording the song, I would summon the spirit of the Dragonfly in ceremony. Working under a strange spell, the only thing I could focus on was completion of this song. In days when I began to lose hope, and doubted that I could finish the work in time, the Dragonfly would appear around me again, as if to say that the plan was still on. When I felt heavy from all the sadness, the luminous spirit of the Dragonfly showed up to remind me of this deeper inner light that was guiding the way.


Amidst all of this, I learned that my grandmother was no stranger to Dragonfly Medicine. One day I received a surprise postcard from her that she must had mailed just before her accident, and it had a Dragonfly on it! For years we had been communicating via postcards and letters. This was her last postcard. Somehow she knew. She had always been intuitive and very connected to nature and animal kingdom, while living in the deep forest near the border of Russia. Ironically, the last postcard I sent her was an Owl card.

I received a lot of information through the spirit of Dragonfly, while I was working on this song. The medicine in the song wasn’t so much about the words used, as it was about the vibration and feeling of the song. There was a lightness and a gentle strength that came through the Dragonfly. Dragonflies are playful creatures with incredible stamina. They reflect all the colors of the rainbow with their magical and iridescent wings. I also received a clear message about how Dragonflies assist with healing deep ancestral wounds. Who better to do this than a 300 million year old prehistoric faerie creature!

I now know that the song arrived to heal some ancestral wounds in myself, and to help transform them, before the medicine could be shared with anyone else. The Dragonfly song was meant for my own healing as much as for my grandmother – and for others who need it.

My grandmother was able to hear the song a day before she passed. My mother played it for her again as she took her last breaths on earth.

I am releasing this song on my day of birth.

In memory of my grandmother, Eila.

Love, Aleeiah

More detailed information about Dragonfly Medicine HERE.

In Numerology

Master Numbers – a Guide for Higher Consciousness

master numbers 11, 22, 33, 44 meaning

Here it goes again.. I am at exit 33 and the license plate of the car in front of me reads 333. Smilingly, I turn to look at the time and it’s 3:33. This has been going on for several years now. Maybe longer, but I wasn’t conscious of it then. For many years I would see 11:11 at least twice a day, then the digits seemed to rise up. I just glanced at the time while writing this, and it was 11:11! No kidding.

We are always surrounded by a flux of symbols and signs from the universe. It takes some digging around to decipher the meaning.

As the name “master number” implies, these numbers call for mastering something. They point the way to a higher consciousness, a higher vibration, or a higher perspective. As a numerologist I get a lot of questions on the meaning of seeing master numbers. What does it mean when you are seeing certain double, triple, or quadruple digits? In order to know what it means for you specifically, I would ask what is going on in your life right now? What issues are you working on at the moment? What is it that you need to master? All master numbers present a call to step up to your greater destiny, power, and soul mission.

These number sequences can initiate a call-to-action within the subconscious mind. We are vibrationally and numerically encoded beings. Numbers are embedded in us – from our DNA to every minute function of our cellular structure. Seeing certain numbers repeatedly is not random. It is like a phone number to your personal evolution, and the universe is dialing you! I have discovered that people who see certain number patterns repeatedly often hold these very same numbers in their personal core numbers. They contain teachings and lessons about your journey here on earth. A numerology reading will reveal what your personal numbers are, and what they mean for you.

11, 22, 33..

In the study of numerology, master numbers are the odd exception of numbers that do not get reduced to a single digit, because they hold a powerful charge on their own, and reducing such numbers would undermine their potency. Master number always accentuate the meaning of the single digit. In classical Pythagorean Numerology, double digits above 33 are not traditionally considered master numbers, but nevertheless, some modern numerologists include them as master numbers.


11: Visually this number resembles a portal, or a gateway to walk through, and as such can be seen as the call to initiation and passage. Some spiritual unfoldment will be involved with this number. According to Pythagoras, eleven is the number of a cycle of new beginnings. The vibration of eleven can be challenging to handle. When you are seeing 11:11 often, think double the challenge and new beginnings! This numerical vibration will also speed up manifestation of your thoughts and feelings. It is associated with light, awakening, and intuitive insight. So many people around the globe have been experiencing the wave of 11:11, that there is a whole cult now revolving around this number. You could say it has triggered a mass awakening, or at the very least, raised a lot of eyebrows.

22: Master number 22 is considered the most powerful number of all numbers. It has to do with building legacy, spiritual ideals, and selfless service. It is the number of the master builder, and it also correlates with peace and harmony. As with all building, patience and hard work is required. People born under this number are idealist leaders and builders with enormous capacity for manifestation in the practical realms. For example, if you are seeing a lot of 22 or 222, one way to interpret it could be as guidance for building your dreams, and manifesting your highest ideal through loving service.

33: Is the “master teacher number” and a number with the most amount of influential power. It brings higher spiritual guidance to the world and aims for nothing less than expansion of consciousness, and ultimately, enlightenment. Unconditional service and sacrifice are called for with this vibration. Experiencing a lot of 333? Think in terms of surrendering more to spirit vs. mind, and letting unconditional love be your guide. Life is always trying to teach us something, but maybe there is something you can teach others? Here is a link to an article I wrote about this favorite number of mine, for further insight.

WHAT ABOUT 44, 55, 66, 77, and so on?

Here are some quick insights:

44: Material world, grounding, building through perseverance, focus on the task at hand.
55: A change in consciousness, communication, evolution, and instant manifestation.
66: Money, prosperity, forgiveness, healing, service to others, and unconditional love.
77: Spirit work, the path of the mystic, spiritual leadership, truth, and purification of the ego.

When a master number appears in regard to your birth date or name, it has a very specific meaning to your journey. Understanding the keys to your life’s mission is a highly beneficial tool in personal evolution and growth.

For more insight into your numbers consider a personal Life Mission Oracle Reading.

In Health

Healing With Tibetan Singing Bowls


Tibetan singing bowls are an ancient tool for healing and meditation. The history of Tibetan singing bowls dates back to 10th century B.C, and they have been used by Buddhist monks for at least 2500 years, making them one of the oldest known tools for meditation practice and ceremonial work.

Among the high Lamas of Tibet the ritual use of singing bowls still remains a closely guarded secret – a heritage reserved only for acknowledged masters of sound. It is believed that the knowledge of sound carries with it a great power and responsibility. Therefore, the Lamas would only use singing bowls for themselves and never in public.

It has been said that Tibetan singing bowls produce “the sound of nothingness”, or “Om”, considered by Buddhists and Hindus to be the primordial sound of creation.

The veil of mystery that surrounds the ritual use of singing bowls in Tibet has been slowly lifting, and in the past 20 years or so, more and more knowledge about their use has started spreading out to the western world.


Tibetan singing bowls come in various tones or keys, corresponding to the 7 Chakras in the body. Certain bowls may affect all of the Chakras while others only affect some. Generally the lower tone bowls have an affect on the root and sacral Chakras, medium tones on the solar plexus and heart Chakras, and higher notes on the upper Chakras.

The bowl can be either struck like a bell or played by rubbing the rim of the bowl in a steady clockwise circular motion using a wooden, and/or suede mallet.

Bowls can be placed directly on the body where needed, where they can rest preferably on a level surface. Holding a bowl on the palm of your hand, and as level as possible, is a common way to work with a bowl. They can also be placed on the floor, a few inches away from the body. My personal preference is to use a bowl directly on the body where healing may be needed.

Placing some water in a bowl will change the tone and may produce interesting geometric patterns on the surface of the water when the bowl is played.

A more advanced technique is toning or harmonizing with the bowl by singing vowels from aaaa to oooo, or eeee to oooo, into the rim of the bowl when the sound is activated. To do this, you would hold the bowl at 90 degrees where the rim was struck. This technique reveals another unique sounding quality of the bowl, and reverberates the body cavities. Good for clearing the head and sinuses!


Playing a Tibetan singing bowl produces a rich variety of harmonics and overtones. These tones induce alpha waves in the brain, causing instant relaxation and calm. Our normal waking brain state produces beta waves. In alpha wave state thinking is slowed down, and if you focus on the sound long enough, you can more easily enter into a meditative state. Once your mind is in this highly relaxed alpha wave state, the body can then receive healing through the frequencies, as the sound travels where it is needed in the body. The complex array of harmonics produced by Tibetan bowls reach beyond the busy monkey mind, affecting the sympathetic nervous system, and vibrating every cell in the body.

In a normal waking state we may consciously desire healing yet subconsciously resist it, and therefore block any healing from taking place. However, sound reaches us on an emotional and spiritual level, bypassing any mental resistance barriers.

Good general advise on using the bowls is to feel the sound, rather than analyze it. This will allow the sound to penetrate and healing to take place. The more you let go and allow the sound to travel, the more you will benefit.


For the purpose of gathering some firsthand evidence for this article, I decided to experiment by playing a root Chakra bowl placed on top of my left knee, that has beginning arthritis and has been in constant pain for nearly a year. I played the bowl on my knee for 7 days straight, for about 10 minutes at a time before going to bed. Not only did I find myself sleeping more soundly, but the pain level on my knee has also been reduced by almost half! I will continue experimenting with the few different bowls I have, rotating various bowls on my knee.


I have found Tibetan singing bowls to be very grounding and effective at healing various physical ailments. There are many ways to work with Tibetan singing bowls. Whether you are interested in using them for meditation, healing the mind and body, balancing the Chakras, or doing ceremonial work – endless discoveries and unique sounds await in the world of singing bowls!

This article was written for Shamans Market on 7/18/2017

In Shamanism

Altered Space

Creating a ceremonial altar is not just about transforming the energy of a space, it is a way of creating your reality. The altar can be seen as a microcosmos of your world, and the greater universe. When we commune with the elements of creation and connect with spirit through ceremony, we are able to re-create, and re-arrange our worlds through loving intent and prayer.

I had the great pleasure of studying with a master ceremonialist and shamanic practitioner, Debra Kelly, trained in the Peruvian Pachakuti Mesa tradition. I asked Debra to provide advise for someone just starting out in the practice of creating ceremonial altars.

Read full article HERE.

Altered Space was published on Shamans Market on 1/22/17

In Owl Messages

The Story of Owl’s Song

The Owl’s Song is NOW out!

Listen and download the song HERE.

The story behind this song is really the story of my life, and it involves a lot of Owl Medicine. Since a childhood near death experience, the Owl has been with me. Through the many encounters I’ve had with owls since then, I’ve developed an ever deepening reverence for the power, depth, and medicine of this animal. Working with Owl Medicine is often an intense ride, for it entails a fair share of ego shedding and re-birthing.

In the spring of 2016 year I went to the mountains of central Mexico to spend time in solitude, so I could focus on song writing and recording. During the three months I was there, my recording plans didn’t work out as I had hoped for, and in the process, I did a lot of deep transformational work, that involved shedding of many ancestral wounds and layers from many lifetimes ago. It was time for another soul retrieval, in the same place I started the Medicine Owl journey more than 10 years ago.

So it was that in the golden sunrise of the soul the owl appeared again, as he has so many times before, when I’ve gone through these periods of rapid rebirth and transformation.

The Owl’s Song started as something completely different. In fact, in the beginning of my Mexico journey it was “the butterfly song”. The concept of transformation was already there, but it was a lighter and gentler version of the medicine at that time. As I went through the process of what I had to go through, the song transformed from a butterfly song into the Owl’s Song. It was a much deeper healing that I needed, so the song I was working on could transmit this healing vibration for others who needed it.

Whenever owls are involved, death and rebirth are not far. Death does not always mean physical transition. There are many ways to die to the old world, so a deeper vision can be born. When we go through these dark nights of the soul, in the aftermath it becomes clear that darkness was only a temporary absence of light. Light was always there but the eyes were closed. Owl’s vision illuminates a path through darkness, and opens your eyes, so you can find your way home.

The message of the Owl that came through this song, was to remind us that our true home is not here – it is beyond death or birth. Only spirit is eternal, shining.. a force beyond samsara, beyond the cycle of death and dying, beyond rebirth. This song was to provide medicine and solace for those who are mourning death, and have experienced loss, or are going through deep transformation that can feel like dying. It is also a vibrational remedy for home sickness.. for the longing of the soul to be home, at its origin. The mantra in the song is an ancient Hindu mantra in the language of Gurmukhi, called “Akaal”. It is a chant that is said to remove the fear of death, and make you aware of the undying nature of your soul.

May these sounds serve you in the best possible way.

With a deep bow of gratitude for the Medicine of the Owl,


In Existential/ Sprituality

Another Surrender at Sea

Once a teacher took me to the seashore. Waves were quite high that day and the wind was blowing. She dug a grave in the sand, right at the edge where the waves washed the shore, and asked me to climb in, knowing of the deep seated fear of drowning I had since childhood. It was my biggest terror to be under water, being submersed and unable to breathe. This was due to a near drowning incident I had as a child. But there was more to it than that.. there always is.

Thoughts of terror ran through, and the mind said: “this is the day of your death, you will drown..” while spirit assured: “trust and be still”. I had what seemed like a few seconds to decide which voice to listen to, and I knew there was no going back. I laid down in the egg shaped tomb and closed my eyes. She covered me with sand, so only my head was left out. The sand was heavy, wet, and seemed to weigh a ton. I couldn’t have moved fast enough to escape, even if I had wanted to.

For some years I had been going to the seashore, and just sitting there for hours watching.. If the water was still and there was no wind blowing, I would occasionally test my courage and walk in the water, waist deep. I thought I could just visit this fear from a safe distance, and not give it much thought or power over me.. and it would somehow magically dissolve. But as I would soon discover, that’s not quite the way it works.

Now the waves were climbing closer and closer. At any moment now, I could be under water.. At some point, I blanked out from the fear and I had no idea afterward how long I laid there for. Some ceremonial rites took place, and meanwhile the mind had no choice but to give up, as a wave of trust washed over..

There was a lot more that happened that I could explain in words. All I knew was that an old form of me, a cover, was washed away on the shore. This heavy, grey, energy cloud that wasn’t part of my original blueprint was left behind in the sand grave. It was a collection of fears I had taken on from ancestry, that somehow had gotten magnified to a gigantic proportion.

When the ritual was over my body and mind felt suddenly much lighter. It was day of a re-birth. The fear of drowning had less grip now, although I still felt a shadow of it linger. And I knew this wasn’t the last time..

Life will test us many times over and ask: how deep is your surrender now? But the mind doesn’t know how to surrender itself. It is only when love momentarily overcomes fear, that courage and trust come in. All the dense mind stuff then loosens its grip. This concept we call “surrender” is nothing but the giving in to waves of ever deepening LOVE.

Thank you sea and teacher for this pearl of wisdom. I love you.



In Existential/ Sprituality

Butterfly Effect

[butterfly effect] = the phenomenon whereby a small change at one place in a complex system can have large effects elsewhere, e.g., a butterfly flapping its wings in Rio de Janeiro might change the weather in Chicago.

If only we knew how deeply we really affect each other and the world. Every dream, every flap of wings, every word, every silence, every thought carries a resonance that changes something in the hologram of life. What you do (or don’t do) today could change lives 100 years from now. The butterfly effect teaches that EVERYTHING matters.

I once lived with a sweet millionaire who suffered from chronic depression. We lived together in an opulent castle overlooking the entire city. I watched Rembrandt-like sunsets paint the skyline every evening from the roof of the castle.

He took me in when I was nearly homeless and gave me a job as his personal assistant. I moved in with my one suitcase and went from dirt to luxury overnight. Some days my work consisted of nothing more than having breakfast together, or walking with him and his rescue dogs. Some days I was the gardener or a secretary, some days just a friend.

Living in the ghetto, I was happy in a certain humble way. I made the best of it and said thank you every day when I had potatoes or rice to eat. Living in opulence, I experienced the existential emptiness that kicks in when you have everything you want, in worldly terms. There was nothing more to aspire to, no ladder to climb. It was a psychological vacuum. No human is exempt from this existential apathy, no matter how many vitamins you took in the morning or how much money is in your bank account. From joy comes suffering and from suffering joy. Poverty or wealth, it’s all the same.

The biggest reason for my friend’s depression was his perceived lack of purpose. He felt that he was not making any difference in the world, at least not in the extend he had dreamed of in his youth. Yet, he unknowingly changed many lives, including mine. One winter he bought blankets for an entire village in Mexico. He rescued street dogs and picked up trash in the countryside on our walks. All these “little things” he did, created worlds.

His happiness did not come from fulfilling any material desire, but from a sense of purpose; from helping others in whatever way he could, from loving-kindness, and witnessing someone else’s joy. When he was not able to fulfill these conditions because of his own suffering, he would be depressed.

During my castle days, I learned to truly appreciate all the small acts of kindness – the mere presence that you can offer to someone in need, listening deeply, sharing a meal together. It really is all the small stuff that paints the bigger picture.

We transformed each other’s lives by sharing of our presence; eating and walking together, sometimes in silence, sometimes talking. My job didn’t pay any money, but gave me a roof over my head and a position to be of service. At that time, I was going through my own inner struggle of meaninglessness. My friend saw this and understood that I needed to feel useful and ‘needed’, as much as he did. In giving me a job he was not rescuing me from myself, but teaching a lesson about happiness and purpose.

After about a year or so, I left the castle, still with nothing more than one suitcase to my name, but I had saved enough money for a plane ticket. Shortly after I left, my friend passed away from a sudden heart attack. In case you’re wondering, I did not inherit any material riches from the castle, but the spiritual jewels were overflowing.

Today, when I feel a lack of purpose, and that nothing I do matters, I remind myself of the butterfly effect..

Your happiness is connected with my happiness, your sadness my sadness. All things connect and all things matter, as we create these dreams together. Helping others you are helping yourself, and the opposite is also true. When we forget how connected we really are to everyone else, and the results of our creations, then this sense of meaninglessness takes over. But it’s only a skew in the perspective. Usually it means we need a higher vantage point; a trip outside the comfort zone, or perhaps a visit in someone else’s castle.

The butterfly changes the world foremost by its own flight of transformation. Truly, the most powerful way to transform the world is to transform yourself. These effects of your transformation, no matter how delicate, then ripple out in to the cosmos. You may not see the results of all your actions, but trust me – they are taking place at this very moment.

Perhaps your purpose today is to see the inherent purpose and interconnection in all beings..

Whatever you do today – whether you perceive it to be big or small doesn’t matter – do it with the firm belief that what you are doing matters greatly. I have found this to be a good exercise in experiencing purpose and meaning. I am doing it now as I write this article, and it has already transformed everything!



In Existential

True Happiness is Uncaused..

“True happiness is uncaused and this cannot disappear for lack of stimulation. It is not the opposite of sorrow, it includes all sorrow and suffering. The inner happiness is overwhelmingly real. Like the sun in the sky, its expressions may be clouded but it is never absent.”

– Nisargadatta Maharaj

In Existential/ Health

Healing With The Voice

“Words are beautiful but restricted. They’re very masculine, with a compact frame. But voice is over the dark, the place where there’s nothing to hang on: it comes from a part of yourself that simply knows, expresses itself, and is.” – Jeff Buckley

Last week I was stuck walking amidst a traffic jam to my right, and a very loud marching band to my left, in central Mexico – undoubtedly one of the loudest countries in the world! There was no way to escape the piercing noise pollution and chaos. I was feeling physically sick and upset. At that moment, I began connecting with my own voice by humming softly, and producing a soothing tone within that calmed the dissonance I was feeling. My hum was barely audible but it activated a core vibration that instantly cooled the turbulent emotional state I started off with. By the time I was out of the chaos I felt more balanced, and practically unaffected by the auditory horror show I just went through.

Since the beginning of history, shamans have sung medicine songs to heal. Many ancient creation myths from cultures across the planet tell the story of how sound gave birth to the world.


In Owl Messages

Owl Message #5: Change

When you grasp too tightly to your perspective; holding on to the old ways, expecting a certain outcome, life will shake things up, showing what you really know – nothing at all!

Coming and going, all forms and shapes of this world are constantly transforming. In the waxing and waning of the tides we are thrown on the shore of not-knowing. We can sit there heartbroken and afraid, or humbly embrace the beauty of this perfect order, appearing as momentary chaos and uncertainty.

Remain centered in the infinite peace of the Self and trust that divine providence will guide your way home.

– Aleeiah

Image by: Jimmy Mcintyre