I have been an existential detective all my life. When other kids were playing with their dolls, I was out there roaming every corner of the playground alone, in search of meaning for this madness. Then I’d retreat in my room and write about it in this little blue plastic covered diary I had. I would frequently ask adults baffling questions they had no answers for, such as: Where did I come from before I was born? Frustrated of not receiving clear answers I would run to the forest and spend hours wandering the woods alone. In silence I felt more connected to truth. Maybe the trees, wind, or animals in the forest would know more, I thought. Then I began living in old libraries in Europe and going through books which only caused more confusion. Books didn’t know. They were only asking more questions. The biggest frustration in my life was not remembering my purpose. Therefore, I became an existential detective.
I spent a few decades in the rat race going through various jobs and careers, chasing things that come and go, like most people. But underneath the question still remained: why am I here? Only in the moments of total breakdown and near death have I gained some momentary clarity. When I nearly lost my life, first at thirteen years old when I overdosed on drugs, and then again in my thirties contracting a deadly tropical disease in Mexico, the mystery of purpose came through in a flash. And guess what that purpose was? It was a feeling of indescribable LOVE. When everything else is gone, all that remains is this radiance of love. Divine love is the all pervading truth of our being and where we come from. It cannot be simulated by anything. It is a direct experience. And this is the paradoxical answer I had been searching for all my life.
Have you ever walked a labyrinth? You know when you walk through the whole thing and think you’ve found the way out, but you’ve only arrived back at the beginning? This is somewhat of a metaphor for how your purpose will find you. It’s not logical and cannot be solved by intellect – it only arises from heart-knowing, and getting lost repeatedly. The labyrinth tricks you in thinking there’s a logical solution. But the only true solution is to return to the true Self. Rupert Spira had a beautiful way of wording this when he said: “When everything that can be let go of is let go of, what remains is what we desire above all else”. Your ultimate purpose arrives when you’ve given up everything else. It comes from a place of surrender. Giving up control and how you think your life should unfold leads the way. The seeming failures and misfortunes in life are actually designed to awaken us, and deepen our surrender, so purpose can eventually shine through.
When I write or deliver readings, I feel more connected to source, and with universal intelligence, and this feeds my purpose which is to be a kind of a spiritual guidance counselor. Another pointer to help you determine if you’re expressing your purpose is this: if what you do makes your soul feel alive, nourished and energized, you are in tune with your purpose. If what you do makes you feel drained and meaningless, you are out of tune. Purpose is like a battery that charges you every time you use it. It makes you feel complete and empowered.
Something else I’ve learned about purpose is that you are always headed towards it. You may be taking a detour, training while getting ready to express more of your purpose, but you are always on course. In other words, your purpose will fulfill itself whether you know what it is or not. Spirit doesn’t need to know its purpose. The spirit is the purpose. The mind wants to know because it cannot remember.
p.s Find out what the Owl has to say about purpose HERE.
Article image by: Maksym Kaharlytskyi
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